"If you had them it wouldn't be fair to the rest of womankind." Anonymous

Just over a year ago, I was sitting in my office admiring some recent pictures of my lovely family members, when I noticed something was missing. Nobody has an upper lip. I was amused by my discovery and thought it could have possibly been just my imagination. So, I asked my friend Amie to come in and check it out. Her response led me to believe I was in fact on to something. Suddenly I had a serious issue on my hands. I was afraid to look in the mirror as we were hysterically laughing at the common denominator amongst my immediate family members.
It's true: I have no upper lip. Even more disturbing is the fact that nobody ever told me. All that money wasted over the years on lip gloss, lip stick, lip liner.... none of my friends ever bothered to mention that I was applying these products to my face/ not my lips!! My face comes to a very abrupt end below my nose and above my teeth...right where an upper lip should be! Friends claimed that they never really noticed... but I find that hard to believe. Although up until last year, I had no idea what I was missing.
I brought this to the attention of my brother and sister that evening on my way home from work...wanted to give them the head's up...thought I was doing them a favor by breaking it to them gently. Turns out- they knew all along! They just assumed I knew as well I guess? They said it was an Irish trait we were all born with. No one ever filled me in.
This wasn't easy to digest at first. Some sort of rare Irish/ New Hampshire gene? How could this be? I immediately stocked up on every lip plumper on the market. <---you'd be surprised how much those things can sting! And clearly (camera don't lie) whatever I was applying wasn't working. I even played around with the idea of collagen lip injections for a day or two. The fact that my new name was "Buttonhole" wasn't helping this news sit well.
Once the initial shock wore off and the jokes cooled down a bit, I was able to consult with others suffering from this same characteristic. I was able to come to terms with my missing upper lip. Can you picture me with big lips? I would look like a Bratz Doll! Thanks Amie for talking me out of that one!
So, yes it is true... I have no upper lip and I intend to keep it that way. I've embraced it by paying closer attention to my teeth...which are tough to miss with no lips by the way! It feels good to get that off my chest and cherry chap stick (for my face) tastes way better than MAC lip gloss! It's cheaper too!

JUST ONE OF THE GUYS

It's been a pet peeve of mine for years when girls pretend to like sports, football in particular so they have an excuse/ reason to be out drinking in a half top with Tom Brady's number on the back. We call that "just one of the guys syndrome." My group of friends in college didn't understand sports and we didn't pretend to either. I've been sticking to that story for the past decade or so and been quite content.
I must mention that over the years football hasn't been completely useless in my life. If I am ever having a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep...there is nothing like a football game on TV in the background. There is something about the sound of the sportscasters voice combined with the referee's shout outs that make me want to take a nap no matter where I am or what I am doing. And when I hear the fan's blowing the horns in the stadium I am surely out like a light. I have spent many relaxing/ lazy Sundays with the game on in the background.
Within the past few years, I will admit that it has come to my attention that there are a few rare exceptions to my rule. Apparently some girls really do like to watch sports and some even claim to understand what is going on. My friend Caitlin is not one of them...she knew Tom Brady played for the Pats, just like I knew. But, she didn't know what position either.
This season I decided to try something new. I decided to become a Pats fan...I picked my favorite player: Vince Wilfork. I picked him to avoid the "just one of the guys syndrome" as much as possible. He isn't the hottest and he isn't the most popular. He is big and sloppy and easy to spot on the field! I even bought a Patriots jersey to wear during the season and it was tight! (not a half top, but tight)...
As most of you (just one of the guys) know play offs were this past Sunday. "Wild Card Weekend" if you will. It was a disaster for real and pretend Patriots fans alike!
I certainly picked the wrong season to pretend to like football and I have to be honest I am very glad the season is over. Ready to move on to more important things now like American Idol and the Bachelor.